Friday, January 11, 2013

Unusual employment ads

I know, it isn't really my style to print stuff other than what pops out of my own little brain, but for some reason these amused me. It is a fine bunch of examples of creative writing when it comes to employment ads.

Sit back, read, relax and giggle...

Wanted: Evil genius seeks minions to sacrifice their lives in world domination attempt.  Must be prepared to work 24-7 for fascist psychopath for close to no pay. Messy death inevitable, but costumes and laser death rays provided. Call 1-800-MWA-HAHA

The Foxhole Exotic Dancers is now hiring 1 pretty and 2 ugly dancers

Now Hiring at It’s a Grind Coffee House, because your boyfriend will eventually ask for gas money

Blockbuster Video: Now hiring, please no dinosaurs with clever human costumes… fool me once, shame on you

There are 10 mistakes in this add. If you believe your a great graphic deigner with a eye for detail, Spot these mistakes, then send us you're feed-back on the pelow address..

Wanted: part-time sales person who won’t quit after 2 months, who works hard and doesn’t think she’s doing me a favor my working here, who can take a joke and won’t cry everyday on the floor. Apply within.

Now hiring now. Right on, we’re hiring now.

Help wanted: food experience a must. Do not apply if you’ll need nights off because your band has a gig, do not apply if you need weekends off because your gallery has an opening, do not apply if you just want to work for a few weeks before you go to Europe.

Now hiring. Must have a clue.

Apply today – pizza cook. Qualifications: Not be a crybaby, have a masters in S.Y. M. (shutting you mouth) and must be able to read your schedule.

Surgeon wanted for new health clinic opening in town. No experience necessary, must have own tools.

We’re looking for computer engineers who like to solve difficult problems. Call us at this number (then has long math equation)

Wanted: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

Come to work for Subway and have your dreams crushed like the rest of us.

Help wanted, all shifts. We pay more than the NYPD.

Job wanted: Former marijuana smuggler, having successfully completed a 10 year sentence, incident free, for importing 75 tons of marijuana into the US.  I am now seeking a legal and legitimate means to support myself and my family. Business experience: owned and operated a successful fishing business, multi-vessel, one airplane, one island and processing facility. Simultaneously owned and operated a fleet of tractor trailer trucks conducting business in the US. During this time I also co-owned and participated in the executive level management of 120 people worldwide in a successful pot-smuggling venture with revenues in excess of $100 million annually. I took responsibility for my own actions and received a 10 year sentence in the US while others walked free for their cooperation. Attributes: I am an expert in all levels of security, I have extensive computer skills, am personable, reliable, out-going, well educated, clean and sober. I have spoken to thousands of kids and parent groups over the past 10 years on “the consequences of choice” and received public recognition for community service. Fluent in English, French and Spanish. References available from friends, family and the US District Attorney.

I hope some of those made you chuckle... have a great weekend, everyone!

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